This urge is pressing me to look backward before running ahead.

With all my traveling, I have a restless heart that yearns for many people and many places. Lately, two places have been relentlessly pulling on me. My heart has been in Croatia, wanting to speak in Croatian and sing loudly alongside Gibonni, wanting to know more about the war that fills my dreams and nightmares, and wanting to reconnect with people back there. My heart has been in California; wanting to get to know my family better; wanting to love them; and wanting simply to be around my grandparents, my cousins, my aunts, and my uncles.

I am unsure of how all these desires connect with my longterm dreams, but I am sure that I want to invest in what I know before jumping into the unknown. Flipping through the picture album might reveal some truths about the future. Or… maybe it’s just a beautiful adventure.

I am running backward.